Letter to The Editor

Dear Sir,
Please publish the following Press Release at your earliest convenience.

STARTS
Transport Scotland is to pay to fit some of Scotland's trains with huge nappies to avoid adhesion problems on the tracks below.

A Spokesman said "this continues our policy of acting in an environmentally friendly manner" The nappies, which will use the latest in baby nappy technology, will let liquids through while retaining everything else. They will be unbuckled at depots each night and sent as fuel for the waste heat and power plant to be installed at First Group's new Aberdeen headquarters.

Transport Scotland came up with this idea after its own inspectors continually criticised the state of the tracks in their monthly SQUIRE inspections. The threat of legal enforcement by SEPA also concentrated minds.

A cunning design has meant that the nappies will fit flush with the bottoms of the units. A small snowplough or cowcatcher device in front and behind will ensure that they are not prone to slippage or unwanted removal by unexpected objects on the tracks. The snug fit will be guaranteed by the fitter who replaces the old nappy with a new one every night.

The designers who developed the nappy at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada are now working on a similar idea for aircraft. Flushed with success, the Boeing version should be available in time for the Sharnborough Airshow.
ENDS

EMBARGOED UNTIL 01/04/07
Sid Napier (anag 2, 7)
Press Officer
Transport Scotland
01 April 07