Letter to The Editor

Altnabreac, North Britain, 1 April 2011.

Dear Editor,

My Learned Friend has drawn attention to the newly spun heading for the Newsletter of the Friends of the Far North Line.

It seems that Political Spin Doctors are getting everywhere these days, as I must assume that only one of such individuals could have dreamt up the idea to con the public by using the term "Express" for one of the slowest services in the land. I fear you may be leaving yourselves open to action under the Trades Descriptions Act 1968 c29 section 19(4) (b) from aggrieved residents particularly in Caithness and Orkney who have to spend an inordinate length of time on the train in order to get anywhere south of Inverness.

Without prejudice to my right to charge such fees as I may deem appropriate for this advice, I would suggest that you might wish to consider using a more appropriate alternative noun such as Snail or Tortoise to name but two. I assure you that I have no intention of setting a hare running by taking this action in writing to you. Merely pro bono publico dear boy, an action on your part mutato nomine would be in your best interests.

Yours ad libitum

Dick Laws
Advocaat-Depute
Speed & Company
Caledonian Chambers
Glasgow