Utrecht (which translates as "You'll have had a long walk?")

Press Release: Woedensday 1 April 2015.

AbelLeo, the new partnership running ScotRail from today, is pleased to announce that we will be following in the footsteps of our ancestor Jan de Groot. (pronounced gutturally as in "Throat" but without the first T).

Managing Director, Jeff Helmsdaletaler, said "We are really excited to become heirs to the iconic and scenic railway line to the northern extremity of Scotland, our Ultima Thule since Jan first colonised the area".

We are so inspired, we will revive the name of the famous prewar express train "The John o' Groat" for our fastest ever principal mid-morning service from Inverness to Wick returning at afternoon tea time.

We are also very Kean to revive the name "The Orcadian" for the crack boat trains at 2:00pm from Inverness and 8:00 am from Wick which connect with the Orkney ferry at Thurso.

Orkney councillors have requested that we revive the idea of overnight connecting services with Glasgow. The connecting carriage formerly left Buchanan House at 10:45 pm or, as we now say, 22:45. We will certainly bear this in mind for when sleeper coaches become available in 2018.

What we will do straight away is to provide tourist coaches which will give passengers the opportunity to learn Dutch off our educational advertising posters. Dutch is quite a difficult language to learn but the length of journey will give all of you a sporting chance of success!

We will also provide our exciting catering offer on every service. Expect real strength coffee and deli-ghtful cheeses to be on the menu. A very healthy option, but enough of this waffle...

Bon Voyage!
(Unfortunately, there is no equivalent phrase in Dutch to top that!)
Abel and Leo.